dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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