just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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