Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
