i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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