Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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