Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
