dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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