maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
