just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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