Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
