he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
