dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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