You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
