I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
