Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
honey bunches of taint.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
