Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
