The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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