Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
