At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
My ATM looks so different sober.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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