They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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