Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
If that was your dad, he is hot
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
