I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
