You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
