Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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