I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
