Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
