He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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