I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
