Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I checked into jail on foursquare
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
