Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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