she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He passed out mid-signature
I just googled if crying burns calories
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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