yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
