Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
