I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Terrible idea I love it
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
