after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
