based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
