I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
