Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
