Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
