If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
