I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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