uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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