As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
