Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
