So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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