i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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