I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I will pee on everything he values.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
we should paint friendship bongs
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
