Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
