Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
