i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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