I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
