Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Randomize
